Awakening From Instinctive Relationship
Human beings can best meet each other when we grow, discover, and engage each other’s Creative Being: 1. the unity of consciousness embodied as identification with ou… (click the word for the full definition). Every person has a Life Energy: 1. the process of escaping our conditioning by expressing ourselves… (click the word for the full definition) signature that reflects their creative purpose. Most of us start our relationship journey at the Instinctive: 1. a non-reflective state of consciousness where we operate to guar… (click the word for the full definition) level where we hide creative qualities behind our conditioning and parental Imprinting: 1. an acceptance mechanism used by infants and young children to ens… (click the word for the full definition), This traps us in our instinctive life and disconnects us from others. Being energetically disconnected cuts us off from everything. Our curiosity will serve us well if we become more observant of our own creative being and synchronize with someone else’s sense of Self. We only respond (in the moment) when we integrate our sensations and feelings to Experience: 1. the apprehension and transformation of reality, circumstances, or… (click the word for the full definition) the pleasure of being in our body. By affirming our creative nature, we transform our body’s energy into a sense of direction and purpose. This is the essence of Life energy.
Significant obstacles to Life energy are the instinctive Motives: 1. the primary Intent behind thought, action and deed 2. primarily orga… (click the word for the full definition) of Lust: 1. seeking temporarily indiscriminate sexual connections to minimize the l… (click the word for the full definition), Greed: 1. a state of being where attachment to objects, beauty or handsomeness i… (click the word for the full definition) and Arrogance: 1. A state of being wherein one is overly attached to what one knows,… (click the word for the full definition). When we grasp and identify ourselves as a thing, our Outer Beauty: 1. the attraction to a person’s outer presentation or handsomene… (click the word for the full definition) becomes our way to consolidate a sense of value. It is more difficult to expand Life energy when we are over-identified with our outer appearance. This Objectification of ourselves poisons others who care for us, minimizing our Growth: 1. an evolutionary Aliveness or life building process 2. reflects an abi… (click the word for the full definition).
When we deny life energy, we objectify ourselves. Objectification means we think of ourselves as ‘things,’ so making judgments about ourselves and others is easy because things are not aware of sensations or feelings. Superficial differences deny our own inner life energy patterns and qualities. We operate on the premise that what looks good is excellent. This is how Objectification distorts Life energy, sometimes to the point of extinction. In this blog, we will explore many facets of these distortions and how we reclaim our Life energy
Once we objectify ourselves, it is easy to objectify others by distancing ourselves from them. Our relationships become more about appearances and leveraging our needs to create a false sense of Safety: 1. maintaining a state of well being in this moment 2. driving force of … (click the word for the full definition) than about engaging others. We become attached to objects because they represent a sense of safety to us. We imagine we control them. Our personal creative lack of clarity manifests as a ‘void of scarcity’, so we see safety as the acquisition of others aligned with our Survival: 1. a state of inner collapse where all our resources are focused on gu… (click the word for the full definition).
Any time we experience Excitement: 1. being agitated on a physical level due to the belief that some in… (click the word for the full definition), it shows a blockage in our experience of our own life energy. Without Life energy we use attachments to ourselves, our possessions, or others as a way to connect and feel safe. But attachments are actually in the way of connecting with others. For instance, we all know people who take more time caring for their cars than people, or who use shopping to fulfill their longings. People, possessions, and even processes become objects of our Attention: 1. The ability to focus ourselves in a way where we are Present with … (click the word for the full definition). When we are attached to our schedules and routines, and only engage people to the extent that they ‘fit’ into our lives, we are living in Objectification. When we label people, we make them into ‘things’. As long as we operate as ‘things,’ we do not need to be responsible for our activities or the means we use to obtain success. For instance, in war we fight and kill enemies, not people. In corporations we say to people we have hurt, “It’s only business”. It means that we can do what we want, often without accountability. This is why isolation is so prevalent in our culture.
In a state of Objectification, we follow three rules:
- Do what I trained you to do (no backtalk, just do what is safe);
- Ignore seeing the cost of what you do and say (do not ask questions, just disassociate);
- Say anything to distract you (and all of us) from the consequences (exclusive Fantasy: 1. the projection of our desires on the situation allowing us to believ… (click the word for the full definition) building).
We resist introspection because we fear being found out as being a creative imposter. All of this requires us to distance ourselves from others, so we can maintain the appearance of Independence: 1. condition or objective of defining oneself outside of the contr… (click the word for the full definition). We fall into rigid expectations that define relationships as sexual activities and hook-ups. We are drawn to each other through excitement and we keep thinking that a sexual Connection: 1. the first step in the Seven Steps of Enlightened Dating where we … (click the word for the full definition) will lead to deeper emotional connections. But that generally isn’t true and the relationships don’t last long.
Conditioning and the pursuit of pleasure pull us into instinctive fantasies to seek acknowledgment and better treatment than we received from our parents. Excitement creates attraction through familiarity, connected to the fantasy that we will not need to work hard to be valued and seen. We seek exciting partners because of the fear and desire stimulated in us, hoping that they will heal us. This means we project our associations about the meaning of physical characteristics, and this programming pre-determines our choices and guarantees that we select partners who are better parent substitutes.
By choosing parental substitutes, we over-identify with outer appearances at the cost of better life choices. False safety and associative thinking make these
non-life decisions seem like the only options. Our denial of Life energy makes everything an emergency or crisis. This denial of Life energy produces inertia, jealousy, possessiveness, judgment, and overdone safety attachments to people, places and things. All these items close down creative Aliveness: 1. The capacity to engage others in a vibrant and awakened manner wit… (click the word for the full definition), promote fear, and minimize our ability to fully experience Beauty: 1. A state of awe, wonder and wholeness arising when we transcend our mi… (click the word for the full definition) and pleasure. We know we identify with our conditioning when there is constant chaos, with mostly unintended consequences.
With Objectification, there is always distorted thinking, where we justify over-doing something to offset another under-doing. One example is how we over-do our imaginations because we feel constrained by social expectations about our sexuality. The defensive distortion of Objectification is the cause of addiction to pornography. We find ourselves mentally violating others by imagining sex with them. We can see another example of Objectification in the Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman movie ‘Eyes Wide Shut.’ The edgy intrusiveness of excitement in this movie distances us from a mysterious, elite, secret society that exploits others sexually. This group kills without hesitation and acts as if they are beyond the law. Wherever there is utter disregard for life, Objectification is the corrupting quality at its source.
When we objectify ourselves, we fall in love with our appearance. I call this vanity, which is elevated when we also idealize ourselves. Trying to love ourselves from the outside is not a pretty picture. Objectifiers learn to act confident, mainly when they are fearful. This follows the second rule because after trying to impress others and not being successful, we collapse. Until you can tell the truth about the situation, you need to operate with a pretense, a defense or a facade. This leads us to the third rule: we have been trained to return and live in the fantasy image, regardless of the current reality.
The cost of Objectification is that we come to despise ourselves and our life. Every judgment piles up and becomes a wall of self-criticism. We realize that the compromises we made about our life expression profoundly affect our physical well-being. We recognize that losing our energy and ability to focus on issues is cripling to us. Most importantly, our spontaneous ability to interact with others is reduced, and our imprinting, conditioning and lack of growth finally crystallize us. We become fixed in our routine. Some could also see social, racial, and religious biases re-emerge with a vengeance. This is not just about getting older, but the increased misuse of our life energy that short-circuits our choices. The answer is to use our creative power more consciously.
When we experience Life energy, it increases our sense of Playfulness: 1. a commitment to passionately engaging what is in front of us wit… (click the word for the full definition), beauty and pleasure. Life energy frees us from conditioning and creative imitation. It allows us to find a fresh way, or a new direction to take, that generates surprise and delight. We use sexiness, smartness, and reliability to organize our impressions, reflecting how Instinctive attractions draw us in. What each one has in common is the explosion of excitement our senses are overwhelmed. We solve this is by affirming our own aptitudes, mainly when we operate at our best. These qualities are the ones that reflect our inner Stillness.
We Transmute Objectification through greater energetic Unity: 1. the state of being one, or united, oneness 2. something complete in it… (click the word for the full definition), connecting our sensations and feelings to build a complete physical Presence: 1. focusing on inner subtle energies layers where perceptions and the … (click the word for the full definition). We need to learn how to acknowledge and affirm our Instinct: 1. inborn tendency to behave in a way characteristic of a species 2. a… (click the word for the full definition) to try things out. It means relaxing and connecting to ourselves and playing with others, doing no role playing or expectations. This can scare our conditioning and Objectification because it is a creative and not a structured response. The more we experiment, the more comfortable we become in our learning process. Every action leads to greater self-understanding if we learn from it. It empowers the growth of our direction or purpose. This becomes our Creative Being or voice.
The real breakthrough comes from discovering that Stillness is an appropriate, creative response. Stillness contrasted by movement is what makes beauty transfixing. Capture moments of Stillness throughout the day. This expands our experience of Unified Motives, Creative Aliveness, and Universal Intent: 1. a state of harmony with universal energy 2. a process of ac… (click the word for the full definition). The moral of this story is to be aware of what each action tells us. We need to listen and act with aliveness, so we do not become overly attached to an outcome. If we sabotage our efforts by being afraid to make a mistake, our conditioning and Objectification win.
Our life energy can go beyond our body and connect with others, which is why touch is so important. Cellular Affinity: 1. A physical framework for validating common sensations and … (click the word for the full definition), or Transmutation: 1. the process of transcending our habits or conditioning by reco… (click the word for the full definition), is what we call a connection where our sensations and feelings are combined, balanced and shared consciously with others. This is the first dimension of relationships where Life energy (or lack of it) predominates. Here we use our existence and aliveness to explore some purpose, rather than languishing in our past.
Many people are not ready for Conscious Relationships: 1. any type of relationship wherein both parties unders… (click the word for the full definition). They need the excitement, tension, and drama of co-dependent relationships to exist. They either need to be struggling in a relationship or be avoiding relationship work. Both of these are actually activities that keep us struck, and are exhausting because of the Illusion: 1. a Hindu term reflecting how partial beliefs about something do not … (click the word for the full definition) of control. We either need to be clever enough to convince others to take care of us or clever enough to avoid complications. The irony is that Conscious: 1. a state of presence that is aware of itself, self reflecting, and … (click the word for the full definition) relationships do not thrive on control or cleverness.
Conscious relationships are best described as experimental learning processes where we are constantly absorbing universal input. This is accomplished in the Stillness between activity. Not knowing what is next allows us to live fully without pre-set conditioning. Not knowing the future and Feeling: 1. commonly the experience of touching something 2. On a more complete… (click the word for the full definition) good about it is a Paradox: 1. a statement of two simultaneously conflicting truths that encourage … (click the word for the full definition) that makes us ready for conscious relationships. It permits us to take responsibility for everything that happens. We test ourselves by making sure that we are not blaming, shaming, or making anyone feel guilty for us. This ability to live fully with no regret allows us to see each individual as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves. We ask: Why is the universe sending this person to me? The answers become hilarious when we finally see them.
Accepting our life energy requires us to affirm our creative destiny by internally connecting to our three primary driving energies, intelligences or expressions. Each of us possesses three core expressions that, when denied, create a void within us. If we do not engage them, we cannot focus our Intent: 1. a reflection of will, either personal or Universal, that defines our … (click the word for the full definition) or embrace our purpose, so we are at the effect of a self-generated, chaotic world. Parental imprinting and conditioning, where we act in Alignment: 1. A condition of close cooperation or shared intention where compati… (click the word for the full definition) with the expectations of others, and do not follow our own internal delight, amplify our creative void. The result is greater fear of mistakes, so we copy the behaviors and actions of others to gain The acknowledgment of another for some way of being (click the word for the full definition). This default to denying our life expression, where we lose our connection to ourselves, makes us susceptible to all forms of addictions.
When we do not know ourselves as creative beings, we operate from a limited sense of Self, and our conditioning unconsciously performs all other activities. Our associative thinking (conditioning) makes it possible for many of our actions to operate below our threshold of awareness. Living on automatic pilot is why individuals get used to disconnection. This lack of connection fuels the desire to over-stimulate ourselves to prove we exist. It is not only cigarettes, marijuana, alcoholism, and hard drugs that we use to escape the pain of non-existence, it is adrenaline highs, dangerous risk-taking and attempts to push Boundaries: 1. Becoming conscious of where you and others start 2. Developing a … (click the word for the full definition) with others that reflect the full effects of Objectification.
The more excitement we do with a Partner: 1. a person who takes part in some activity in common with another or o… (click the word for the full definition), the needier we become because there is a denial of our own life energy. This means increasingly, we drive ourselves to possess our partner’s energy to compensate for our own lack of energy. The better we become at this, the more vampiric we are in trying to possess those who are innocent because they reflect ‘fresh meat’. As long as we have similar expectations with our partners, these relationships last an average of 3.6 months. The problem is that a lack of excitement needs consistent re-stimulation by fear of loss or excitement dies.
Eventually, we realize excitement is a dead-end, and we shift toward Autonomous Aliveness, where we embody our creative life expression. The scarcity of life energy in our partner is the most critical indicator of relationships causing break-ups. Without a willingness to share, the isolation leads to being fully closed down. Internal Conflict: 1. a perception, either internal, external or both where different Mot… (click the word for the full definition) becomes evident by our partner’s change in interest, which is an excuse to break up before we bring it up. Openness also becomes a positive attraction factor when people recognize the problems of the self-interest proclivities of Objectification.
With greater creative embodiment, we can experience more profound pleasure, taking nothing from our partner. We have self-respect for ourselves, and that means we honor the people we are with and therefore want to be present with them. We know we have made this shift when we see the inner, creative beauty of our people. This means instead of seeing them superficially, we can honor the inner beauty as much or more than the outer appearances of an individual. Every creative expression and combination has its own quality of beauty. If we cannot see these in others, we likely cannot see them fully in ourselves.